CREEPY!!!!!!!!!

I am by no means starting a new trend in blogging by making two posts in one day. However, tonight is just too good to pass up. After church several of us went out for burgers. I had a fantastic double slaw burger, something that is more of a treat the farther south you go. In fact, tonight is the first time I've ever had a slaw-anything north of Alabama. Anyway, I digress, this isn't a blog about food.

On the way home I got a call asking if I was currently participating in some friendly hijinx at the church. Apparently, someone (who I will leave unnamed for now) thought they heard someone in the church, even though all the lights had been turned out and the doors had been locked several hours before. This particular unnamed elder was doing exactly what they do in scary movies...he was going in to investigate. If you've ever seen a horror flick the only people who survive are the ones that run away like scared little girls. The curious and the brave are always the first to be dismembered. At any rate, because this elder had pulled a pretty good prank on a neighbor recently, he was wondering if we were toying with him as payback. I assured him we weren't. A creepy dark church in the middle of nowhere is NOT THE PLACE FOR JOCULARITY. Especially after this winter's "Drunk-guy-athon" where this same unnamed elder and I were in a fairly dangerous situation with a violent, chemically impaired young man that ended with about half a dozen law enforcement officers struggling to restrain one guy.

At any rate, unnamed elder said that if we weren't trying to be funny, he was heading back in with his pistol to get to the bottom of things. I knew there was something "manly" I should do, though I really couldn't think of it at the time. "Run, Run, Run Like a Little Girl" is what I thought, but what came out was "Why don't you wait until we get there, that way somebody will know to call 911." In all truth, in situations like this I usually yield to the Shaggy in me. I wanted to volunteer me and Scoob to stay outside and guard the Mystery Machine. But against my better judgement, in we went. Unnamed elder with his pistol, Drew with a stick from the back of his truck, and me with a flashlight and a big pair of Channel-locs. Channel-Locs. What on earth would a pair of Channel-Locs do in a face to face confrontation that a pistol wielding elder and a youth pastor with a stick couldn't?

The first few doors we opened were pretty creepy, but after that, we couldn't help but laugh. By the time we got to the last few rooms, we looked like a 3 man Special Ops unit with a gun, some firewood and a tool to fix a broken chair. I even yelled "Clear" just like they do on NCIS every time I checked out a room or a closet by myself.

At the end of the night, the church turned out to be empty and we had a pretty good laugh. John, the now named, unnamed elder, was just hearing stuff. And I'm still scared of being in the church at night. I'm also fairly certain Drew won't be putting in many after-dark hours in the building by himself either.

Let the criminal element be warned: "Don't mess with our Redneck Church, cause if there's enough Scooby Snacks on the line, we'll be coming in after ya, guns, sticks, pliers and all!"

He Has Made Me Glad (yet again!)

jeff