Your Pastor's "Professional" Life.

Back in the day when David Letterman used to be funny, I absolutely loved his Top 10 list. It was a light hearted way of poking fun at oftentimes very serious issues of the day. I thought I’d try my hand at it here. As you will see, Math is not my strong suit.

10 things you need to know about your Pastor’s Professional Life

18. Sadly, I’m not yet like the minister on Little House…I’m not too holy yet. I’ve been following after Jesus for quite a while and I still haven’t caught up. I’m earthy, flawed and messy at times. I still need Jesus as much as the next guy!

17. I never handle the church’s money. EVER!!!!!

16. I will always vote in favor of a church Hot-Tub.

15. God desires the church to dwell in unity. I do to too! Conflict is hard, horrible and hurtful. I believe almost every problem in the church could be done away with if we followed these 3 simples Scriptures:
Matthew 22:36-49 – The greatest commandment.
Matthew 7:1-5 – First removing the plank from our own eyes.
Matthew 18:15-17 – Keeping problems with others a private affair.

14. When it comes to music, be warned…I cannot sing. Also be warned…I love to sing. It’s nasally, off-key and all-out horrible. Sorry, but get you’ll get used to it. And while I’m talking about music, let me say that I love the traditional hymns. I love praise choruses. I love the old spirituals and the new really loud stuff. It takes more than one style of music to sufficiently praise the King. So, if it honors Jesus, I’m for it!

13. I’m always on duty. Life doesn’t happen from 9-5, so call whenever you need your pastor. It’s ok. Really. I promise you won’t be the first person to wake me up in the middle of the night.

12. I don’t eat chicken unless that’s my only option. (And even then, I won’t each much)

11. If you have to go to the hospital, have a procedure or there’s a death in family, please let me know. I had to turn over my psychic powers when I was ordained.

10. As a rule I do not counsel women or children alone.
I will only break this rule if they are in prison, or I am in prison.

9. I am happy to lead your 3rd cousin’s neighbor’s lawn man to Christ.
However, I expect you to go with me!!!! Evangelism works BEST in relationships. ALWAYS.

8. Holy Communion isn’t something that’s just added to the end of the service to make us feel happy.
Holy Communion IS THE SERVICE.

7. God has X-Ray eyes and He sees right through my clothes. You do not, so I will try to dress and groom myself in a manner that does not hinder the Gospel or someone’s ability to take me seriously. This does not mean I will be wearing a suit at all times. It does mean I won’t show up at your funeral in bib overalls and a sleeveless Sundrop T- shirt!!!

6. WRITE IT DOWN! If “it” is important for me to know, “it” is important enough to put it in print.
Both my memory and the old gray mare…they aint what they used to be!

5. Sometimes I make mistakes, at other times I mess up. I will never intentionally set out to hurt you, offend you or be mean to you. If I do, let’s talk about it, my door is always open.

4. Officiating weddings is not part of my “JOB.” Building healthy marriages is a function of my ministry.
I will only “Do” Christian weddings, and only after significant pre-marital counseling.

3. I place a high value on confidentiality. I will not blab your private affairs unless someone else’s life is immediately at risk. If I should happen to share my concerns with you, please afford me the same.

2. Christ and His Church are my life. I strive to give Him and His Church the best I have to offer. I expect every other follower of Jesus to do the same.

1. I love people. I love what I do. But I love my family the most and if I’m forced to choose, my family will “win” every time. I’m their “pastor” first, according to the book.

OK, I just read and re-read this about 4 times and I’m not really satisfied with it. I sound like an egotistical, arrogant jerk. I don’t mean it that way, it’s not a “my way or the highway” type of thing. I just know there are a lot of problems that can be avoided if you know up front what to expect out of me. Communication is everything, and this is stuff that’s important, (at least to me) but not worthy of a sermon or newsletter. So there you have it. There’s lots of other quirky things that make me, me. I hope you find them enjoyable and beneficial to our new life TOGETHER. I know God is up to something exciting at FCPC!